Sometimes I feel so very conflicted. God will lay something on my heart and I will argue over and over again with Him about sharing it. I’m ashamed to admit that there have been times I wimped out because I was worried someone would take it wrong, feel like I was writing about them, get ugly, go postal—you name it. It all boils down to me not wanting the hassle and I can tell you God is not too interested in using people who only want a hassle free life. So, needless to say, I lost that battle. Hopefully God won’t mind a minor league wimp out by putting the following clarification regarding what you are about to read:
This post is not about Southbrook Church or any of its members or former members. What it is about is an unhealthy trend in the church (universal) today. And it’s something I’ve personally grieved about with more fellow pastors over the years than I can even recall at this point. But when I recently spoke with one such pastor and heard for the umteenth time the same old story of hurting Christians hurting Christians (yes, I meant to say it that way) I made the statement that someone ought to say something. His response was that it won’t do any good. Maybe he’s right—maybe it won’t. But the following is my attempt in his honor anyway.
So, that being said, read on.
In the last couple months I have talked to no less than four pastors who have had members, staff members, or just plain lookylous ‘move on’ in an unhealthy manner. I went to them seeking wisdom and counsel for myself (read here, ‘to whine and complain’ 
) and wound up feeling great about my lot in life compared to what a lot of them were going through! What is up with this? Don’t we realize that we are called to a higher standard? Don’t we understand that it is the body of Christ that is ultimately hurt when we act like this? And finally, don’t we trust God when He says that He will be our defender?
The secular world is better at this than Christians.
Someone let go from a place like Bank of America typically handles this better than someone let go from a church.
For that matter, I suppose even dishonorably discharged military personnel are more honorable than a lot of ‘Christ Followers’ when it comes to a graceful exit. How ironic, when the whole gist of the word ‘dishonorable’ pretty much says it all for the military guy. Even so, something within most of them still seems to rise to the surface telling them it would be better, more honorable, more dignified to simply walk away with their head held high and lessons learned than it would be to spew or defend or even the score. And yet it seems to work differently when it comes to not being a fit in ministry in the church world. And even when we leave of our own accord—a lot of ‘Christians’ immediately go into spin control thinking that the belittling of their former church or place of employment will somehow mask the embarrassing truth of a job not so well done.
It masks nothing.
It makes matters worse. That’s why I say, ‘when you’re let go. let go.’ Seriously. God has something else for you—something better—unless you derail that too through bitterness and slander. Might I make a suggestion? Instead, why not learn the lessons the Almighty has for you and do a phenomenal job in the next place—should God grant you a next place? I think most people understand that businesses, organizations and churches don’t typically let go of their most godly, passionate, loyal, hard working and energetic people—they let go of those who don’t get it, don’t fit, don’t love the vision, don’t work or that they simply can’t afford in hard economic times—period. Not always, but about 99.9 percent of the time.
One pastor at a church of over 8,000 even shared how much it pained him to let nearly a third of the staff go. It ripped him up inside but what hurt most was that 1 of them went to the media and used every outlet they could find to rip the church and it’s leadership to shreds. Afterwards he continued meeting with members of his former church to try and convince them to leave as well. This disgruntled individual was probably hurting about losing his job and felt like lashing out at who he deemed responsible—in this case, the elders. But who he ended up hurting was the entire Bride of Christ—nearly 20,000 people who call that place home! Not to mention all the lost in and around the a city of close to 2 million who now have a sour taste in their mouth about ‘Christians.’ You could almost hear the brokeness in his voice and I found myself getting choked up as well. It reminded me of what scripture says in I John 2:19,
“They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.”
That’s why it never ceases to amaze me how many times a disgruntled individual gets let go from a church staff only to spin it into something else. The following is a smatterring of what I heard from each of these pastors—NOT Southbrook. We’ve had our share of these experiences as well, but I won’t share that here—sorry dirt lovers. Truth is, here at Southbrook we have had people leave in incredibly healthy and godly ways—people who felt the call to missions, had to move, were being relocated, wanted to find a place to do ministry that was more ‘like them,’ family reasons, and a whole host of other things that I would put under the catagory of ‘life happens.’ But some handle it better than others and some don’t handle it well at all—and the latter hurts the cause of Christ. Anyway, the problem is epidmic—there isn’t a faithful church in existance that hasn’t experienced it. Every single one of the pastors I spoke with had experinced this—in spades.
- ‘Yeah, they let me go because I was too evangelical.” — Yep, all those new converts were filling way too many seats
- ‘Well, my stellar leadership was a threat to them.’ — Uh huh. But no one was actually following that leadership except out the back door.
- ‘I was a better preacher, so the pastor felt threatened.’ — ‘Hmm, congregants may have practically begged that you never preach—gently communicating to leadership that you just don’t have the gift, but they must have been masking their true feelings!’
- ‘I was never afraid to say it like it is, so they fired me!’ — Translation? ‘I was a verbal flame thrower, burning everyone I came in contact with my unique spiritual gift of criticism.’
- ‘They said I wasn’t growing the ministry, but I’m more into discipleship.’ — In reality, you have an ‘us four and no more’ mentality and can’t stand associating with lost people.
As you might have guessed, this list is endless, but what you will never find on any such list is the following:
- “I just wasn’t what they were looking for.”
- “I didn’t do what I was hired to do. It’s no one’s fault but my own.”
- “I need to quit trying to force things and learn what gifts I really do have in the body of Christ and serve according to my shape.
- “I have to admit, I was really using my role as a stepping stone and didn’t put my heart into it.”
- “I wasn’t a team player. I really need to learn how to encourage and lift up my co-workers.”
- “I tend to blame everyone else when things go bad but I’ve been on a lot of church staffs and I’m starting to realize it might just be me.”
Let’s face it, those are hard things to say—difficult conclusions to own—but they are also (often) the gateway to God’s best for you and me. When we realize the truth about who we are and what we’ve done—we can make real changes and start moving in the right direction. It’s called brokenness and though it’s harder on the front end, it’s deeply satisfying on the back.
So here’s what I think (for what it’s worth). When you are let go from a church (or any place of employment for that matter), let go. Let go of the bitterness. Let go of the hurt, unforgivenss and spin control. No one has ever done better by bathing in bitterness. Instead, understand that God has something else for you (unless you keep hurting his Bride then all He’ll have for you is a world of hurt!) and ask Him what that is so you can get started at it! Cheer up! Your time at that particular church may be done, but God’s not done with you. So don’t let your heart grow cold. Let go.
Just a thought…or two.
You’re probably aware that I sometimes recommend books on my blog—off to the side, or even in a post. This time I actually want to showcase one short book—it’s a game-changer. Truly one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and re-read in my life! And I return to it often to remind myself of the way of some things on this up and down ride called ministry. Other than the Word of God, it may be the most helpful book I’ve ever come across. 
Rob Singleton is the lead pastor and founding pastor of 
Follow me on Twitter
Join me on Facebook
Subscribe to RSS Feed
Email 
