I’ve been trying to figure out what in the world is happening to our shrubbery out front. No one’s talking!

Michelle blames the kids.

The kids blame the dogs.

The dogs blame the deer.

The deer just play dumb. They’re amazingly good at it. They always come off looking like themselves in the headlights.

But, the other day, using high tech video surveillance, I caught the culprit red handed.

What brazen defiance! He just walks off all nonchalant, never fully appreciating the gravity of his sin!

Sentencing for this crime will be later today.